A Salford teacher who has “exhausted her life savings” has spent £80,000 on trying to become a mum.
The married couple in their 40’s Emma (40) and Dan Lees (41) have gone through a difficult time trying to achieve their parental dreams. The pair have undergone so much, from infertility, pregnancy loss to even moving overseas. After much uncertainty, the pair have taken up their close Canadian friend, Cassandra on the offer for her to be their surrogate.
Fertility treatment is expensive, so Cassandra Allan set up a Gofundme without the couple knowing. The hopes are to raise $50,000 dollars, as this would cover the cost of the surrogacy.
So far, the fundraising page has raised over $14,000 dollars. But the trio still have a long way to go before Emma and Dan can move to Canada to start treatment.
Emma lives in Irlam and works in safeguarding at Salford City College, but not so long ago she was living a whole another life in Canada.
The Salford resident was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome in her 20’s. So she knew from early adulthood that she would struggle with becoming a mum.
When her and her husband began trying for a baby when they were both 25 and 26 they knew it would be a struggle. But after a year they were getting no closer to getting what they wanted so badly.
In result of their setback they were referred to Salford Royal Hospital, where they waited eight years to get a referral for fertility treatment.
The NHS told her that her body mass index (bmi) was too high and it was stopping her falling pregnant. Emma has always considered herself a relatively healthy person, with doing regular exercise. She even lost 40 pounds while on Slimming World to try and achieve the needed bmi to receive NHS treatment.
She said: “It was four months of going back to the doctors and being told I was still too fat for treatment.
“It got to a point in 2015 where I was very depressed. I was working, I was a head of faculty at a high school and I had taught a lot and poured everything into my work and the kids I looked after.
“I don’t think people truly understand what it’s like to be an infertile couple if you’ve never been through it. So, we never unpacked our third bedroom in our house because it was meant to be a child’s bedroom.”
Eight years on from being referred to Salford Royal, she still hadn’t received treatment. The pair were left hopeless and began searching for other options.
Dan had an opportunity to move to Canada due to his career, so they began researching the differences of treatment rules. They discovered that the bmi cut off in Canada was a lot higher than the UK’s. So, in their desperation to become parents they moved their whole lives over to Toronto.
After a successful application for permanent residency overseas they moved to Canada in 2019.
The two paid privately for fertility treatment, adding to the 90% of treatments funded by their own money and life savings.
After a few years of treatment in Canada they had a positive pregnancy test and Emma and Dan couldn’t quite believe their eyes. Terrified, they kept the news to themselves until the lead up to Christmas in December 2022.
“All of a sudden we were very scared, but it was happening and we couldn’t believe it. But we were very cautious”, she said.
When the time came to tell the news to both of their parents they sent a picture of the baby to their parents via text message. The baby was soon known to everyone as Avery Joy.
Emma said it was the loveliest moment of their lives. A few weeks down the line she felt pressure to share the news outside of her family circle and she announced the news of her pregnancy across her social media accounts.
Fast forward a couple of weeks of the news being public Emma had a health scare. The married couple tried to not panic and headed to the hospital, where they soon discovered that Emma had an infection.
The pair waited between three to four hours to be seen and Emma’s waters broke before anyone could give her the medical attention she needed.
Emma and Dan were devastated as premature baby Avery Joy had no chance of survival.
Push chairs and other baby items had already been bought and were waiting at home preparing for the baby’s arrival. But they never got to bring their miracle baby home.
She said: “That’s the saddest part isn’t it? I could kind of reason with myself if the baby was unwell, but she wasn’t.”
Nearly a year on from their loss, Emma’s body decided it had had enough, she was exhausted and she was shortly diagnosed with secondary infertility which she said “was very ironic.”
After going through a devastating period of their lives, they decided to move back home to Salford and be closer to their family, leaving behind their tight knit community in Canada.
Moving back home did not change the couple’s mind about wanting to be parents.
They had always felt reluctant to take up their Canadian friend, Cassandra Allan’s offer to carry a baby for them.
Emma said: “We had always been reluctant to do it. But the offer was still there. Cassandra was like ‘yeah absolutely, my thoughts and feelings have never changed’.”
The total cost for surrogacy in Canada is around $50,000 dollars and Emma and Dan were adamant that they would never be able to source the funding.
Their beloved friend Cassandra decided to share their story on Gofundme and set up the fundraiser to help them reach their target.
With the help from their Salford and Canadian community they have raised $13,958 dollars.
Emma said: “If I’m honest with you, it’s never come easy, asking for money. I was terrified of it.
“It’s been the most humbling experience for me and Dan. We can’t believe we’ve got this amazing tribe behind us.”
She’s a valued member of staff at Salford City College. But it’s not always easy for her to put on a brave smile, especially when she wishes she could use her natural maternal instincts on her own children.
She said: “I did find it really difficult. I’ll get upset for saying this, but I always wanted to help the kids and I felt like almost looking after them because I couldn’t have my own.”
If the Gofundme is a success and they reach their target Emma and Dan will start preparing to move to Canada to start their surrogate journey with Cassandra.
If you wish to read more of Emma and Dan’s journey or donate, here is their Gofundme.
